A guide to friendship

Now we’ve got all the obligatory partner loving valentines out of the way I thought I would write about the platonic love of my life- My best friend. To protect her Identity I shall give her a pseudonym- let’s call her Zil.

A word of advice.

Find someone you like early on, someone with loyalty at their core and then hold on to them. Forever. Zil and I have been friends for a really long time. We met as children who thought we were teenagers and after many years of experience and maturation we are now adults who think we are teenagers. There are many reasons why having a friend for life is an advantage- here is just one such reason: this person will keep you grounded. You will never be able to pretend to be cooler than you are when you have someone who remembers you when you were 14; when your new years resolution was to smoke a joint, your fashion dream was finding the widest legged jeans physics would allow and burning your homework diary at the end of term was the height of rebellion.  Having someone you know could expose this side of you at any given moment means you will always be forced to keep it real. And it works both ways: if they get carried away you can politely remind them you had to teach them how to use foundation at the age of 18 and watched their grandma sew patches into their corduroy trousers to make them more edgy. A long term friend keeps you honest and never lets you steer to far from the true you.

How to find your own Zil

I always say I am very fortunate have a lot of people I consider close friends. I say fortunate but really its more a tribute to my deviousness that I have  lured people in to my honey trap- I tend to snare friendships by putting out a lot of love and kindness and waiting for lovely, unsuspecting people to fall for it.  Once the friends have been caught I continue to dupe them with yet more love and kindness, for the rest of their lives. Whilst all the time benefitting from their love and kindness in return- SUCKERS!!!! This is of course, the wonderful thing about friendship- its impossible not to draw self esteem from it. If people you think are great want to be your friend, then doesn’t that mean that you might be great too? Or at least, you too might be really convincing at pretending to be great!

The secret of cool

My first impression of Liz, (I mean, Zil who the hell is Liz, never even met a Liz, is that even a name? WHAT?) was that I really wanted to be her friend. She just seemed so cool! This was my internal monologue at the time: “Woah that girl seems cool, I wish she was my friend, but she’s talking to someone else, I wish I could think of something cool to say to her so she’d talk to me instead. I wish I was cool enough to be her friend.” I remember anxiously waiting for an opening in her conversation, so I could butt in. And butt in I did. Thank God!

As it turns out she was both much cooler and far less cool than I thought she would be. Coolness is like a mirage. From afar it seems to be one thing; unattainable, effortless, glamorous, perfect. With so many of my friends I’ve looked at them from a distance and thought WOW, they’re way too cool to like me! Then as we have gotten closer, like the disappearing oasis in the desert, they turn out to be none of those things. They are as messy inside and out as the rest of us. Zil is no exception. But that doesn’t mean she isn’t cool. Because none of those things are actually what cool is. Can you imagine having a close friend of whom you would say  “She’s just so unattainable. That’s why she’s my best friend”.  What coolness actually is has more to do with being fun and being kind Or maybe it’s being a person you can share moments free from inhibition. It’s about acceptance- Finding someone who likes you as you actual are-that’s coolness.

A friend for all seasons.

Having a friend for a really long time works kind of like a diary- Someone to record and recall all your pivotal moments. For example; I called Zil and Zil called me just hours (maybe even moments) after we respectively lost our virginities. I’ve helped her through break ups, she helped me through my wedding. We’ve supported each other through crappy jobs, celebrated achievments and mourned the deaths of literally dozens of Sims together. We’ve been on holiday together, on dates together, one time we imprisoned someone in a room and laughed as we watched them cry and wet themselves (Again this is on the sims) We’ve fought too, of course. I screamed blue murder at her over the phone once on my balcony in Spain and was terrified her boyfriend wasn’t going to let me speak to her again. We argued on an 18 to 30’s holiday in Zante and cried into neon blue cocktails as we talked it out. I have felt annoyed by her and although she’s done an excellent job of concealing it, I’m sure she’s been annoyed with me too. (although my sincere wish is that she’s reading this thinking “No Grace, I never have, you have always been a serene dream, who I’ve never felt anything but gratitude for”) But never for a second have I wavered in my certainty that this friendship would last forever… or at least until one of us dies (hopefully Liz, I’ll be honest, I’m no saint).

Sharing is caring.

We’ve shared birthdays, secrets, worries, bills, a home and 18 years of life. If our friendship was a person it could legally drink now! The other day, we shared our greatest moment yet. Last Thursday as we sat chatting on my sofa, I felt Zil’s baby kick. That was probably the most awesome moment of my life. I’d never felt that before on anyone. One might expect it to be really gross and alien-esque but it really wasn’t. It was amazing. Not just because I finally knew for a fact that she wasn’t just tremendously bloated- but because it was the first time I made contact with this little person whom I don’t know but already love. I realised that I love my friend so much that it is now totally natural for me to love any and all people she choses to create. Even before I’ve met them, even if they turn out to be a total dick, I’m still going to love them! She and her baby are my family, not just pretend family like the way we told everyone in school that we were cousins! That’s the crux of why its so important to make lasting friendship; as clichéd as it has become a good friend is the family you chose yourself.

Happy post Valentines day!

P.S. I tried to end this post in a less sickeningly cheesy way, but I just couldn’t sometimes we have to face it- love is cheesy. I love you Liz Kelly, you and the parasite living in your belly.